Skip to main content

Hibernation


 

I am a gardener. I consider it a large part of my identity. But here I am again in January, in Minnesota, questioning my major life choices, specifically this career and climate in which I cannot actively “career” for 3 months out of the year.  

 

I dream of vacations I would take to places where green things still grow, if I possessed the discipline and cash flow to be able to save money for this purpose. Oh, and if pandemics weren’t a thing. Also, thanks to COVID, I am home supporting my 2nd and 5th graders’ distance learning instead of working part-time outside the home this winter. I much prefer this home arrangement, actually, but the pay is in hugs and smiles which don’t buy vacations, although they totally should because the world would be way cooler.

 

So, I spend a lot of time reading. I read year-round, but full-time in winter, and perhaps out of resentment, pretty much zero of the books I read are about plants. I favor biographies, memoirs, and history, but lately quarantine and politics have driven me to fiction. I really recommend it. Breaks from reality are more delightful and necessary than ever. Some gardeners, I hear, enjoy reading seed catalogs and garden books all winter while actively planning for next year. That sounds well and good. Romantic, even. But plants have brutally abandoned me, and therefore, they no longer exist. I’ve got tea, pajamas, and bitterness on my to do list, thank you very much. Ideally, a blizzard dumps three feet of snow on December 1st that stays until March, thus supporting my scheme of gardening-not-existing plus upping the cozy hibernation factor inside my house. Around February, I’ll quit pouting and think about starting seeds and starting the heat in my tiny greenhouse. It takes a while for me to forgive.

 

In addition to reading, I also am an accomplished nap taker. Some days, my girls and I go on sewing, crafting or puzzle benders. We play board games and walk the dogs. We watch tv and I don’t care (much) what “experts’ say about screen time. I occasionally rage-clean because it’s the only kind of housework I do, and brain-numbing tasks like laundry pile up until I can’t stand it anymore. I think about and sometimes apply for non-seasonal, full-time jobs and then realize I need my flexibility and time with my kids more than the rat race and the cost of child care. I brainstorm brilliant new business ideas and then talk myself out of them. I make ambitious lists of goals and things I’d like to accomplish today, this week, or next year. I lose the lists in my messy house, curse my ADHD, and make new lists. I write stuff to organize my brain. Sometimes I share the stuff in this blog. Sometimes I keep it to myself so all won’t know my true level of crazy.

 

I am still a gardener. Just not right now. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.


Comments

Popular Posts

Broccoli Land Speed Record

I'm behind in posting my seed starting progress.  On Wed, March 16th, about 8 weeks till last predicted frost, I started my pepper seeds.  I planted two cells of Jalapeno, two of green bell peppers and 5 of the colorful Carnival Mix bells.  I always plant 2-3 seeds per cell and then thin to the strongest survivor.  So they are all up and happy now: I was planning to start my tomato and broccoli seeds a week ago on Tues, March 29th (6 weeks till last frost) but didn't get around to it until Friday, April 1st.  Close enough.  Mother Nature's behind this spring too if you ask me.  It snowed last week, for pete's sake! Last night, I went down to water and check on things, and the Romanesco Broccoli seeds are already up!  That's got to be a broccoli land speed record, right?  Three days?  The package says they emerge in 10-21 days so I am feeling pretty dang good about my wicked horticultural skillz.  Here's a pic of my eager little broccoli seedlings:

Try it

While many folks have started New Year’s Resolutions for 2022, I have been looking for My Word. Admittedly, I could use improvements along the lines of traditional resolutions like getting more exercise, eating less sweets, or managing money well, but I also know myself enough to know I don’t and won’t abide by these just because we hang a new tally sheet on the wall indicating the reset of the annual cycle. What I love about a new year is the excuse for a pause. A practically mandated time set aside for nostalgic self-reflection! This looking back, along with the hopeful feeling of potential for what is to come is an enjoyable tradition for me (I’m blessedly past the stage of loud, boozy, people-y New Year’s Eve parties).  Yes, instead of traditional resolutions, I’ve adopted a more recent trend of choosing a word to focus on for the upcoming year. I find self-improvement goals for a new season easier to remember if I settle on a word or phrase that is lately on my heart.

Stay Wild

Deep Breath. Here goes. And it’s gonna be sweary.  You’ve probably heard the phrase “Life begins at 40”. I’m there. I’m a few years into the decade, but already deep in the vibe. A shift is happening, and my mind is blown by the “aliveness” of it all. Here’s how it happened:  I’m a woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, entrepreneur, creative dreamer. I was also recently diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), primarily Inattentive Type. “WTF”, you ask? I know. Don’t get me started; I’m still getting used to it myself, and it’s a long, complicated story filled with questions, doubt, research, doctors, naysayers, anger, acceptance, and lots and lots of hope (repeat).  It’s a fucking revelation . Here I am, at age 43, wondering why I’ve always felt anxious, socially awkward, misunderstood, and possibly legit crazy. I have been questioning myself for years. Decades. Trudging through life, wearing (too) many hats, grasping at fulfillment, and still