You’ve probably heard the phrase “Life begins at 40”. I’m there. I’m a few years into the decade, but already deep in the vibe. A shift is happening, and my mind is blown by the “aliveness” of it all. Here’s how it happened:
I’m a woman, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, entrepreneur, creative dreamer. I was also recently diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), primarily Inattentive Type. “WTF”, you ask? I know. Don’t get me started; I’m still getting used to it myself, and it’s a long, complicated story filled with questions, doubt, research, doctors, naysayers, anger, acceptance, and lots and lots of hope (repeat). It’s a fucking revelation. Here I am, at age 43, wondering why I’ve always felt anxious, socially awkward, misunderstood, and possibly legit crazy. I have been questioning myself for years. Decades. Trudging through life, wearing (too) many hats, grasping at fulfillment, and still asking myself the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?”
Well, the time has come. I think I’m grown up. ADHD is not who I am, but it is how my brain works. And it explains so fucking much. Oh, my goodness. The knowledge of this, having a name for it, finding a community of similar people through online groups and podcasts and friends who understand, gives so much meaning to my life. And, as I’m absorbing this, I’m gradually gaining confidence in myself, starting to feel worthy, and even contemplating cracking my true self open to the world. YIKES. And HOORAY!
Lately, I have felt passionate about life, where I only caught glimpses of meaning before. I am engaging with family and friends in healthier ways. I’m excited about and rededicated to my small business. I’m also writing more, actually making astonishing progress towards what might someday look like a real-life actual BOOK about this weird self-exploration. Secret: I’ve always wanted to be a writer but I’ve never had the focus to truly put it all together before now. My goals are for this book to be: 1. Hilarious. 2. Helpful. That’s it. If it never gets actually published, well, that would maybe suck, but at least the process of creating it is therapeutic and helpful for me.
If you’d like to follow this crazy train, I’d appreciate your support. Please follow this blog for starters, that would be fun. Maybe share it with friends. Juggling the many roles women play is not possible without support. I hope we could help each other. I am looking for women who hold each other up in admiration, love and encouragement, ADHD or not. “Stay Wild” will be the motto, because we are badass chicks who do it all and can survive. Men are welcome too. Maybe. You may have to prove your worthiness through a yet-undetermined test of skills and character.
If you’re an asshole, please keep on walking. This is scary enough without your negative shit.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin