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I'm a tea drinker. Tea comes from plants, specifically Camellia sinensis, which is native to Asia but now is cultivated in tropical places around the world so all of humankind can have it's plant-y caffeine goodness but not have to drink coffee, which tastes like burned dirt. And that's the horticultural part of this post. What I really need to talk about is anxiety. 

COVID anxiety is a new level of anxiety on top of my regular anxiety. My regular strategy of carrying around yellow legal pad to-do lists to keep on top of life's tasks is not cutting it. I feel like my brain is swimming in open ocean with dangerous distractions like Titanic-sized icebergs, sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads, and that giant vortex of human-dumped trash in the Pacific.

So, the docs suggest medication (of course), cognitive behavioral therapy, exercise, and meditation/mindfulness. Each one of these could be a large discussion, but lately I've been thinking about meditation, because it seems the very hardest for my overactive mind and general lifestyle. I've read books about it, practiced deep breathing, sat in a quiet place, tried yoga, etc. It's hard. Apparently it takes loads of practice to get anything out of it, and I'm still practicing.

But first of all, what mother of young children can find a hot minute of the waking hours of the day to sit in a quiet place? This is apparently something one has to carve time out for with intention, and possibly threats of physical harm to interrupters or maybe just hiding from one's family, which how can one then meditate while being paralyzed by guilt? I don't know. Also, did I move the laundry ahead? Wait, what time is my daughter's next Zoom? Where is my to-do list? WTF is actually going on right now? 

"BURRITO". Burrito is my 'upset' word for when I need to stop, identify my feelings, and take deep breaths to calm down. I learned this on a 2nd Grade zoom. It's gold. Go find your word. 

But now, enter Mediteation (Medi-TEA-tion). I think I shall trademark this and make millions. So don't do that before I have a chance to find my to-do list and write it down and then possibly do it maybe at some point in the extremely distant future, ok, cool, thanks. The challenge: Can I sit still through an entire cup of hot tea and only sit and enjoy being me and enjoy the tea and not think about all the things but just breathe in and out and ignore the worries and enjoy the hot and the tea and the warm mug and the just breathing in and out and the being alive? I'm gonna try it. Let me know if you do. 



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